So last night ended with what felt like a "parent failure". And truly it was. I could have avoided the whole disappointment by simply signing my 5 year old up for softball when she came home from kindergarten, paper in hand yelling, "OH yeah Baby!! I can play softball at 5! Sign ME UP!!!"
So the simple solution was to sign her up. Which I planned to do. I mean I am a rec. director (in the learning stages). I advertise this program. I know how and where to sign up. And yet in the past few weeks my focus was on getting my son onto the already closed Lacrosse team. I had struggled with the thought of how to manage lacrosse practices and games and work and also the needs of my daughters as a single mom. So, like every good procrastinator who is overwhelmed by the reality of her situation I ignored it. What made all the difference was my son, gently saying, " I understand if it is too much for us to do." With his gracious way he relieved me of responsibility of a crazed spring of begging for rides, dinner out of a lunchbox, and navigating my way to many a field around the state. And in that same moment, it was exactly what I wanted to do for him. And so began the emails and phone calls and reaching out to anyone in the lacrosse "know" to get my son on a team. I was accustomed to t-ball and baseball where they run with the "more kids? more teams!" kind of attitude. Finding a group closed was a bit of a shocker for me! But in the end, the lacrosse coaches want kids playing. The sport is growing and they are trying to keep up. They gave us the option of playing up a level. They assured us that some other kids his age had moved up and that their are kids at every level who have never played before. Lacrosse will now engage 4 days of every week this spring. He is thrilled I am excited and broke.
And now we return to softball...a three day commitment which again has practices overlapping with my work schedule and also with the lacrosse schedule. The phrase, "I am one Mama!" rings through my head, and hey, often spills from my lips to these kids. Last night I finally made the call. "Hi, I would like to get my 5 year old daughter on a softball team, and of course I would like this particular team because I will need to ride share. I am sure you will have no problem meeting my meager demands even though I have missed the usual signup dates due to previously schedule recreational commitments ( I think it was... OMG I am exhausted after 5 nights out of the house and we have to go home rather then register and since I am in the business it should be no trouble, so lets go home and eat dinner together and play a board game instead).
Would you believe (in my best Haitian accent for those of you who know my dad) softball was full!!?? My heart dropped. Failure. I could have signed her up at anytime, but as always I felt I had all the time in the world. I told her the news. Disappointment spilled across her face. She began to cry. "But Mommy, I have been waiting. And don't you remember how I told you that I am a little nervous but I talk to myself about that and I know I will be ok and that the coaches will help me?" I sank in my seat and had no way to redeem myself. I offered T-ball. No go. I said, "I am sorry. Mommy messed up." She ached for her dream and I ached for my girl.
So I have no sweet little spin to put on this screw up. Yes, I sent out a text in the right direction and someone rescued me from myself. I am certainly not here to advocate procrastinating and pulling strings. I am here simply telling a story of one Mom who is trying hard and who still has some work yet to do...
I have some friends to thank and some brownies to bake...and in three weeks when I am pulling my hair out trying to get to all of these games and practices, you have my permission to virtually whack me!
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